Fvck the Patriarchy

Chapter One: We Are DONE With Your Views On Our Bodies

Women everywhere are finally waking up to how our own body image has been hijacked by the patriarchy.

It started when we were preteens…worried that we weren’t developing fast enough, that our bra size wasn’t pleasing enough, or that our bellies weren’t flat enough. We panicked over every blemish. Advertising told us we needed to look like a Victoria’s Secret model. And as we got older, that led to being worried that our lips weren’t full enough, that our butts weren’t round enough, and we just weren’t skinny enough. Cue the fad diets, Spanx and lip injections. Some even shaved their pubic areas bald, because we were told that’s what men found attractive.

And the pressure didn’t stop when we reached our 30s and 40s. We obsessed over every bulge, every crease, every line and wrinkle, and every silver hair. Cue the hair color, facial fillers and weight loss drugs and procedures.

We had to be skinny. We had to look young.

None of these things made us love ourselves more. None of them made us more powerful or made others love us more. And none of them made us more acceptable in the eyes of patriarchal society. Because this society prizes youthful beauty. So you’re one of two things: 1. young, or 2. very obviously older but trying to look young.

Some women haven’t tried to keep up. They gave up on it a long time ago and accepted the societal judgment that came along with it.

But it doesn’t matter, does it? None of us can win when the patriarchy makes the rules.

I had an eating disorder by the time I was 14. I grew up in a family where the women were always on a diet and always worried about their weight. My dad started asking me about my weight regularly once I hit puberty.

Being from central Ohio, I actually worked for Victoria’s Secret Catalog as a phone rep when I was in college. We were encouraged to buy the clothes and lingerie so we could be “better salespeople” to those who called in to order. I did. None of that stuff ever fit me right, nor was it flattering whatsoever. At age 19 that’s what I thought the ideal was, and I fell embarrassingly short.

Now, we’re finding out who the men behind brands like Victoria’s Secret really are. We’re finding out why the patriarchal society we live in is so fixated on youth. To the powerful men who’ve been running this game, youth doesn’t just mean beauty. It means vulnerability. It means ‘easily manipulated.’ It means weakness. And the longer we play the game with them - the longer we agree that younger is better - the more we give up our power.

It stops when we say it stops.

I’m 56, and these past 15 years have been the best of my life in terms of my physical health, mental health and personal empowerment. I don’t have any less value because I’m post-menopausal. In fact, I’m at the top of my game. Deconstructing the patriarchy’s influence on how I view myself has left me, and so many other women, with precious few fucks to give. And it’s pretty glorious.

I adore my sparkly, silver hairs.
I love this soft belly that brought forth 3 children.
I focus on taking amazing care of my skin instead of being critical of my natural wrinkles.
I focus on being healthy, strong and flexible instead of “thin.”
I have no desire to be younger. I wouldn’t trade this peace of mind for anything.

I grieve for that 14 year old girl I was, and for the decades I wasted trying to fit into the idea of perfection that the patriarchy demanded. It only made me sad. It only made me weaker.

No more. I am a healthy 56 year old woman, and I feel more clear and confident now than at any other time in my life. I’m normalizing healthy aging, and I love that for me.

This picture without filters or makeup isn’t for you to critique, love, or compare yourself to. This picture is for me, as a symbol of the self-love, self-acceptance and self-confidence I want for all of us - especially Gen Xers.

We’re done with the patriarchy and their sick, distorted view of women’s bodies.
Cue the Crone Era.
Fuck the patriarchy.

“Fire is catching. If we burn, you burn with us.” ~ Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games